You need to repent for being raped

The Situation

A redditt user by the handle cyborgxcreeper posted in an LDS subredditt about his niece suffering one of the most horrible things and woman can go through…. being raped.

Rape is horrible and no one should ever go through it or ever be made to go through it. But what she is being put through now can only result in continued mental distress and anguish. She is being told to repent for her sins by the bishop.

Her mom was recounting what happened to me, and she mentioned that she is starting the repentance process with her bishop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic that she is willing to talk about what happened and work through it. But the idea that a rape victim needs repentance is beyond infuriating to me.

There is no good reason for a woman, girl, child to be raped and to place the blame on the victim here, is despicable. I fucking despise the idea.

The idea that something she did, however explicit or innocuous, caused her to be raped is just wrong on every single level. Now before you blow your load and start commenting about women that falsely accuse raper either because they regret the fuck outta their decision. That’s not what I’m talking about here.

Taking the redditt user at his word he prefaces it by saying:

My 17 year-old niece was raped recently. I could tell you the details (which probably aren’t appropriate in this sub), but suffice it to say: there was nothing she could have done to prevent it, and she did nothing to cause it.

So given that she did nothing … absolutely nothing that increased her chances of rape. She is completely innocent and totally violated in this situation.

Now look at some of the comments about repenting for her sins.

oldlampsmbstephensonsenno-ecto-gammatiwasazombie

Please leave your thoughts below

(via Reddit)

What’s in the BOX!!!!!

Do you know what was in the ark of the covenant… the answer may surprise you….

References…

Only the two tables of Moses.

1 Kings 8:9

[There was] nothing in the ark save the two tables of stone, which Moses put there at Horeb, when the LORD made [a covenant] with the children of Israel, when they came out of the land of Egypt.

2 Chronicles 5:10

[There was] nothing in the ark save the two tables which Moses put [therein] at Horeb, when the LORD made [a covenant] with the children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt.

The tables of Moses, a golden pot filled with manna, and Aaron’s budded rod.

Hebrews 9:4

Which had the golden censer, and the ark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein [was] the golden pot that had manna, and Aaron’s rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant;

 

 

(via BibViz.com)

When Being a Victim Becomes a Way of Life

And before you start thinking I am going to be judgmental of victims;

I was one of those people.  You can hear my story here.

My situation was a difficult one.  I had no one, and nowhere, to turn for help.  If not for a few good people who recognized the gravity of my situation, I have no doubt I would not be alive, sitting here writing, at this very moment.

But what happens after it’s all done?  What happens when the situation no longer controls you; controls your life?  What happens when the people who helped you get out, are no longer there for support?

Because of the length of time I spent being forced into BEING a victim, I found the most difficult part was breaking that habit.  I found myself going through my days, putting myself into situations where there was an apt amount of potential for me to be taken advantage of.

I surrounded myself with men who were just like my first husband.  I surrounded myself with fundamentally religious people.

Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t realize I was doing it.  It was familiar.  And with familiarity comes a sense of, often false, comfort.

I spent countless hours crying and feeling sorry for myself.  I spent every waking moment with my head hung down, feeling like there was nothing good left here on this earth for me.  I was allowing people to feel sorry for me.  When I would encounter anyone who knew me, it was nothing but looks of pity and sadness.  I told everyone who didn’t know, just how bad my life had been up to that point.  There were people who felt bad for me.  There were people who were infuriated at the situation.

And then there was me.  I had been so wrapped up in, and surrounding myself with, people who were feeling sorry for me that I couldn’t see what I was doing to MYSELF.

It was nearly 2 years after I took my children and drove away that a “church family” decided to help me out with a fundraising event.  And when I say help, I mean they decided to use me as a poster child for abuse victims to further their own sadistic cause of bringing in people who were struggling, weak minded, giving up, and who had nowhere else to turn.

In the week leading up to that fundraiser, I was approached by a man who happened to be part of the congregation.  He told me he needed to speak to me privately, at the request of the deacon and said he’d stop by my house later that evening.

That conversation changed EVERYTHING.  While I will not divulge the specifics of what was said during that conversation, I will tell you that the intent was to completely dehumanize me, to keep me feeling like a victim, to repress me.  I was informed that everything that had happened to me was “God’s Will”, and that I would burn for an eternity for my disobedience to my husband.

After playing the part of the victim for so long, out of familiarity, the need to do so to survive just simply ceased to exist at that point.

I was ALLOWING the people who had made me a victim to continue doing so with no effort on their part.

After everything I had gone through, I had finally had enough.  No more feeling sorry for myself.  No more feeling bad about being married into a horrific situation beyond my control.  I had been controlled enough.

My time with George and Betty taught me everything I needed to know to pack up that emotional and mental baggage and drop it off at the nearest landfill.  But it took me getting furiously pissed off to see it.

Everyone who has ever been a victim knows full well that we all heal differently.  Mental and emotional scarring will be with us forever.  I have learned to wear mine with pride.  Yeah..  I survived that.  I am stronger for it.

Eventually, you just have to get mad.  You have to find a way to direct that rampant anger.  Be mad at the person who made you a victim.  Be mad about the situation.  You can even be mad at yourself for not knowing how to deal with it.  Being mad is all part of moving past it in a positive manner.

Now that you’re good and pissed off..  What now?  Redirection.

A lot of people I know who are recovering victims try to redirect that anger into a positive, helpful situation, like volunteering at women’s shelters, suicide prevention hotlines, etc.  This wasn’t an option for me because of my location.

Instead, I found something I was passionate about.  Something that had been kept from me during my marriage that I took solace in, prior to it.  Drawing.  I began drawing anything that sat still long enough.  It allowed me time to sit and evaluate where I was while still doing something I took great pleasure in.

I realized there had never been anything “wrong” with me, no matter what everyone else said.  I could control my own life, my own direction.  I had the ability to remove people from my life when their influence took me down a dark path.  I cut off contact with everyone who ever looked at me with pity or who looked to take advantage of me.

I was and am a good person.  The abuse did not and DOES NOT define who I am.  Fighting back against a mentality/attitude DOES define me.  Fighting back against a world full of bigotry and hatred is where I choose to exist.  The world isn’t pretty.  But it is full of people who are tired of being kicked around, put down, hated on and violated.  It will be THOSE people who can make a positive change in the world.

But you HAVE to let go of being a victim.  I’m absolutely not telling you to forget you ever were.  I’m saying USE that to take positive steps forward.  The world will not defend you if you are unwilling to defend yourself, and it shouldn’t.  It owes you nothing.  You set the rules in your life.  YOU decide what you will and will not tolerate.  YOU set the boundaries.  And YOU decide how you want the world to see you.

Do you want the world to see you as a victim?  Or do you want the world to see you as someone who kicked the shit out of that mentality and learned to shine not because of it, but in spite of it.

Sometimes, your world has to be shattered… so that you may find the right pieces to rebuild yourself. In this.. I have found me.

Just be good.  And the world will follow.

Depression, Secularism and Family

Yes, yes, I know..  I JUST wrote a blog yesterday..  But this is important..

After being diagnosed with severe depression recently, it’s no surprise that I have struggled with the very foundation of my existence.  My own family physician decided it was just mild depression due to the death of my husband six months ago.  So what did he recommend?

Therapy..  Only he didn’t suggest I see an ACTUAL therapist.  He “strongly” suggested that I find a local pastor/preacher to talk me through what was, in his mind, causing my depression..  Grief due to the death of my husband.

Having suffered greatly at the hands of religion for the better part of my life, which you may listen to here, it was the very worst thing I could have been told.

Now, my family physician has been absolutely wonderful up to this point and has taken good care of my families medical needs.  But this man also knows that I am an Atheist.  It was due to this knowledge that I began to consider changing doctors.

After the phone call I received from him today, that will now be a given.

I spent, literally, 30 minutes listening to him tell me how he had been highly medicated for his own depression after the death of his wife, 10 months ago.  He informed me that all the anti-depression medication in the WORLD would not help me.  All I needed was “god” to cure what was REALLY ailing me.  The man even had the nerve to give me the name and telephone number of HIS church pastor.

After his initial suggestion to find a local preacher to talk to, a good friend of mine suggested that I contact Recovering From Religion: The Secular Therapist Project.

Even though they were not able to help me find a therapist that was local enough for me to be able to travel to, they were kind enough to help me find one that wasn’t registered on their site at the time.

After receiving the call from the physician today, I called my therapist, with the intention to just set an impromptu appointment.  Instead, he not only took my call, but spent quite some time on the phone with me as well.

One of the joys of having a Secular Therapist is that they understand the workings of the community to a much finer point than those who are outside of it.  We have spent enough time talking that he knows the full situation with my immediate family and knows that having them close is simply not an option.  He also fully understands that within the Secular community, I have found a new family.  They all know I am weird as hell, a scientist (mad, even), that I doubt myself faster than anyone else ever will, I don’t always love myself, even though I believe I am a decent woman, and that I often feel disconnected from the people I love the most.  And yet, they have embraced me for the person I AM.

While it may seem a bit trite and silly, even, he suggested that I spend more time around the people who love me, but are HONEST with me.  My Inner Circle, if you will.  These are the people I trust.  The people who understand me on the deepest levels, even when in darkness.

He also reminded me to tell them thank you, to remind them that THEY are a very important part of MY life, and that I love and/or care for them deeply.

We all deal with our own version of hell at times.  Even within my own circle.  My therapist is absolutely right.  No matter what dark place I am in, these people always reach out a hand, without regard for their own troubles.  It is a trait I both embrace and respect.  It is what makes us human.

So to James, Jason, Deacon, John, Panda, Mercy, Chris W, Matt, Jay, Bee, Larry and Dev…  You guys all have a piece of my heart.  Even when we disagree, bicker, fight and bitch at each other, you all hold a special place with me.  You are all some of the most truly amazing people I have ever shared part of my life, both online and off.  Thank you guys for being there (even when you all wanted to strangle me).  You ARE my family.

I also MUST mention Ryan.  Even though we have not known each other long. I was wrong about you.  Very wrong.  I thought I was helping you.  As it turns out..  You have helped ME.  Thank you for being a shining light in my life.  You are a daily reminder of what is good in this world and a beautiful reminder of what humanity SHOULD be.  I will be eternally grateful for having the chance to know you.

So, being white is a religion..

Catchy title, isn’t it?  You’re already wanting to call me on that bullshit, aren’t you?

Of course you are.  And you should, because that remark is about as disingenuous as they come.

So, why did I use it?  PLEASE ask me why I did.  No?  I’m going to tell you anyway.

If you follow me, you’re used to seeing me rant and bitch about things I read/see posted when I find it to be inherently ignorant as a thought process.  You also know that I am Native American.

In recent months, I have seen a downward spiral of utter stupidity being posted (no, not JUST on FB) regarding the following (paraphrased so as not to call direct attention to the post that finally broke my silence):

I envy religious people in that they find it easy to transcend themselves.  They quit thinking about them and concentrate elsewhere.  Catholics, Muslims, Pentecostals, Native Americans, Buddhists, etc.  They have their rosaries, postures, speaking in tongues, chanting, playing drums and singing ancient songs, and they are finding transcendence in these.  As an Atheist, I can’t do any of this.  What do you folks do to transcend yourselves?

Yep.  You read that correctly.  I have spent a number of days trying to decide just how to tackle this particular item, which was posted in an Atheist group, again, I will not state where.  I had considered a three part discussion regarding the “atheist transcendence”, the Native American aspect, and also the fact that the question posed was met with ENTIRELY too much homeopathic doctrine by a group of Atheists who should damned well know better.  However, a few days after reading this and discussing it with a few particularly skeptical and intellectual friends, I saw a meme posted on one of my favorite pages that took nearly the exact same stance.  So, to put it bluntly:

MY FUCKING RACE IS NOT A DAMNED RELIGION.

I don’t know who in the blazes started this highly ignorant trend, but stop it.

Stop it right now.

As a multi-tribal individual, I can tell you, without a doubt, that not ALL Natives practice any such generalized form of religion.  Yes, drums and ancient song can, and are, used traditionally.  But this is very much not the case for every single tribe in the United States, and elsewhere, I suspect, though I can only speak for the two tribes of which I have intimate knowledge.  One is spiritually based.  The other, is much more akin to Humanism, and the one which I fully embrace as a human being and member of this planet.

If you truly cannot see the difference between a religion and a race, do humanity a favor, and cease all form of social media.  You are spreading a form of ignorance that CAN cause harm and discontent, much like the religious types do.

Native American people make up just 2% of the population.  Do you have any idea how tiny the percentage of us are Atheist?  Lets just say the number is too small to even assign a percentage to.

When you post things online that compare Natives to religious theologies, in any form, most of you are either forgetting, or blatantly ignoring, the fact that religious people nearly wiped our race off the face of the planet, and when they couldn’t do that, they FORCEFULLY converted us to christianity.

Just like within the Secular Community, we are not automatically equated to intellect, not all Natives are equated to spiritual dogma.

Think before you speak to something you have no knowledge of.

h/t to both Ryan and John for the open discussion

Patreon/Paypal Parenting

Due to a number of recent posts seen on various social media sites, it’s come to the point where I need to address one of those annoying things I see on nearly a daily basis..

Donations

Many Content Creators these days are using Patreon and/or Paypal to accept donations to support their various venues of artistry.  The perks of which are specialized content, giveaways of merchandise, etc, and are only available to those who are financially supporting.

I would not think this would NEED to be said, but apparently, that is not the case.  If you are going to pay money to someone, do your research on that individual first.  Make sure that the content you are essentially paying a price to see is what you WANT to see, or that the merchandise giveaways are awesome enough that you want to pay for a chance at having them.

If you are supporting someone just because it’s the “in” thing to do..  You’re an idiot and frankly, you deserve to be parted with your money.

Now, on to the main point of the blog.

Content Creators are, for the most part, grateful for the support they receive.  It’s a driving force to make extra special content for their patrons.  As a patron of a very select few myself, I expect a certain level of content to be delivered when I choose to financially support someone else’s passions.  I work very hard for my money, so I am extremely careful when choosing to donate.

Things you may be entitled to, as a patron:

  • Specialized Content
  • Merchandise
  • Video Credits
  • Access to Patreon ONLY shows
  • Live Hangouts
  • Personalized Promotions
  • The ability to choose content
  • And; a host of other items, subject to the Creator’s choice

What you are NOT entitled to, as a patron:

  • You do NOT get to pick and choose what your money is used for.  Ever.

If you are donating to an individual, and you see them spend that money on something, you don’t have the right to go on a flat out tirade against them.  Once that money exchanges hands, you do not get to parent the person you support. 

If you cannot donate to someone without degrading and infantilizing these people who are putting in a lot of hard work to make you happy, then just stay out of the arena.  Remember, you CHOSE to support them. 

Do it with a smile and enjoy the rewards, or don’t do it at all.

TLC Cancels the Duggar show 19 Kids and Counting

19 Kids and Cancelled

It was revealed  recently that 19 Kids and Counting has been cancelled by TLC. I’m fine with that.

I’m fine with a private company cancelling a contract with an employee because they are wanting to distance themselves from a media nightmare…. or because they refuse to support the Duggars fucked up sense of handling sexual abuse situations, either way it’s a good move to make.

However, I can hear the cries and tears of the conservative christian right as another “poor” christian is “persecuted” because of their “faith.” Give me a fucking break.

Quite literally they are not being persecuted.

It’s not Persecution 

It’s quite common in the entertainment industry that actors are dropped by Networks and TV Shows for dumb shit they do off set. This isn’t anything new.

Cynthia Watros (Lost, Titus) and Michelle Rodriguez (Lost, Fast n Furious) were both relieved of their acting positions on Lost after being arrested for DUI’s in Hawaii.

The common thread in this is that they were actors on a fucking show… Not that they are Christians being fucking persecuted for their faith.